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September 2008 
To Connect With Others: Hating My Life, Changing My Appearance
Posted on Jul 10th, 2008
by 
GwenCaith
GwenCaith
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for July 10, 2008:
For months now, I've struggled with getting past my self-hatred. Remnants from a life of pain surrounded me; I haven't been able to dig out. As I sat in this archeological refuse center, I have realized that there's one change I can make, today.
I have enough detergent for 2 loads of laundry. Faced with at least 6 piles of clothes I absolutely hate?
I'm washing and putting away the clothing I love.
It seems silly, perhaps, but it's an act of respect and reverence, for me. I've been enjoying, this early hour of the day, stacking piles of clothes, in front of me, that I LOVE. I've folded them, smelled them, hugged them.
Clothes I don't like have been tossed to the floor behind me. Having sorted through one stack of clothes, I decided what would make a good, NECESSARY bit, to wash, in one load. Taking them to the washing machine and allowing them to wash, I return, now, to the Dead Pile, and swoop it up, placing it in biodegradable trash bags, for disposal.
I've considered taking these clothing items to a local charity; they smell, I treated these clothes with hatred, and I don't want to pass that on.
An imperfect solution, perhaps, but I know that, within hours, I will reach the World, in clothes I LOVE. I will feel good about my appearance, good about me, and I will boost my confidence.
I will appear as I am.
I have enough detergent for 2 loads of laundry. Faced with at least 6 piles of clothes I absolutely hate?
I'm washing and putting away the clothing I love.
It seems silly, perhaps, but it's an act of respect and reverence, for me. I've been enjoying, this early hour of the day, stacking piles of clothes, in front of me, that I LOVE. I've folded them, smelled them, hugged them.
Clothes I don't like have been tossed to the floor behind me. Having sorted through one stack of clothes, I decided what would make a good, NECESSARY bit, to wash, in one load. Taking them to the washing machine and allowing them to wash, I return, now, to the Dead Pile, and swoop it up, placing it in biodegradable trash bags, for disposal.
I've considered taking these clothing items to a local charity; they smell, I treated these clothes with hatred, and I don't want to pass that on.
An imperfect solution, perhaps, but I know that, within hours, I will reach the World, in clothes I LOVE. I will feel good about my appearance, good about me, and I will boost my confidence.
I will appear as I am.
Access: PublicTagged with: QaR, community, connection, relationships, understanding, clothing, recycling, identity
Good luck, friend. SC